Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
