It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
