Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
