I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
