Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
