I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
