your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
