I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
