Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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