I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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