How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
