I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
