today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
