Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
