The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
