we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
