I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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