goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
