you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
