At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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