So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
