if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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