It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
