I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
