walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
