Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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