So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
