is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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