How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
