i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
