And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
God gave him joint rollers for hands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
