Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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