I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
