please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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