I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
