dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
