My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
