How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
