dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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