Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
