tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
