i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
