The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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