Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
