bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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