Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
