got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
