I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
