the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Randomize
