new low.... made out with someone while peeing
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
